Maria used to dream of becoming a ballerina. There was a dance studio nearby her house. She loved to sit and peep from the window every afternoon after school, just to see those beautiful Dutch girls practiced accompanied by piano. How she wanted to wear the tutu and join them in the dance, performing in city halls and receiving applause from the audience!
But she couldn’t. Ballet was for the dominating class in her time. In those days, it would mean the wealthy descendants of the former invaders – the Dutch. She was a native, a low class member of the society. And she was poor.
But her dream lived on. Decades afterward, she put her daughter through ballet lessons to make her live her mother’s dream.
Was what Maria doing wrong? It’s difficult to answer.
Sometimes, we parents simply and without awareness “use” our children for our personal interests. The above example is not the only case. Some parents sort of “misuse” their children’s hobby and talent as means to gain fame and satisfy their own ambition.
Some children love playing music, some others love sports. It is worth noting that they are doing these activities because they love them. It is part of their natural process as children, to discover their abilities and talents – to find out their strength and build their character – to become who and what they are meant to become. Not what their parents want them to become!
When parents begin interfering and pouring their ambition – even by arguing that it’s “for the children’s future” – into the children’s interests, then the young are no longer doing it for the sake of childhood pleasure. Such motivation from parents urges children to grow competitive and mars their childhood with selfish ambition. There is no more love and pleasure in what they are doing. It is rather unfair for the young, not to live a life of their own.
I believe it is best to let children grow as naturally as they can be. Giving support in their hobbies and activities is very important, as long as we don’t demand them to fulfill our wishes to become “the best,” “the number one,” or “the winner” – just because we lost or didn’t win those titles somewhere along life’s long road.
As for Maria, well… Her daughter loved ballet though not as much as she did. The girl’s frail health didn’t allow her to continue the lessons. She deserted dancing and decided to become a writer instead.
It is her hand that has brought you this post.
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